Kim---> Ah Lim on a Sunday Afternoon

Hi…Ah Lim is at home now slacking away on this lazy Sunday afternoon and reading the newspaper when some articles struck a chord with Ah Lim after he has read them. One of them is titled “Do you use it in the loo? A surprising number of Singaporeans do.” Of course you must be thinking of toilet paper rite? But hey, don’t be stupid ok, why would a national newspaper do a survey on whether Singaporeans use toilet paper after a trip to the loo… however Ah Lim has heard from his yalam friends that there are people who are using their hands to clean up rather than the toilet paper. This is quite surprising because toilet paper is highly affordable and in the event that one can’t afford it, there are always alternatives like leaves on the tree which is free…so stop using hands ok? Anyway, the “it” refers to handphones. A general summary of the article is that Singaporeans are so addicted to their handphones that they are carrying it 24/7 a day and using it everywhere, even the loos. In fact Ah Lim was once addicted to his phone, even though it was a long time ago, when handphones are still called da4 ge1 da4. Here is what happened during one of the many conversations Ah Lim had in the loo.

Ah Lim: eh Ah Kiong, can hear me? I buy new phone leh…how is the reception? good anot?

Ah Kiong: I making cake lah, don’t disturb?

Ah Lim: wah really ah, I also leh…what cake you making? I making black forest cake

Ah Kiong: oh mine is cheese cake coated with a delicious layer of MacDonald’s famous curry sauce….

Ah Lim: wah power leh…eh anyway where you buy your handphone one huh…

Ah kiong: y?

Ah Lim: oh I think your handphone quite power leh…got smell transmitter, I can smell your cake over the phone leh.

Ah Kiong: KNN!!! You idiot lah… I two cubicles next to you lah…

Ah Lim: …….

Above is one of the many happy conversations Ah Lim had during his loo trip, however all these come to an end when Ah Lim dropped his mobile phone inside the toilet and short circuit it. Having spent 3k on the phone, Ah Lim had to fish it out but unable to use it anymore, he sold it to a friend who repaired it and used it, oblivious to the stench. Ah Lim bluffed his friend that new phone is lidat, got the new leather smell like wallet and that the smell will disappear after a few days… Ah Lim go on to explain that surrounding air molecules will attach themselves to the leather(Ah Lim’s shit) molecules and diffuse into the surrounding environment, after which it will stayed in the air until the combined air molecules are breathed in by other people into their lungs, got absorbed into the bloodstream and viola!!! The leather (Ah Lim’s shit) molecules will stayed in your body and helped to make you healthier….hmm…..wonder how much molecules I had breathed in already?

Note from editor: Stayed tuned for the next issue of Ah Lim’s Coffee Talk where Ah Lim will talked about how Ah Lim got his name…

Question of the day: If you are asked to lie down on a platform of sharp nails, which side of the body will you use? The front side where your face, stomach, heart and reproductive organs are or your back where the nervous system, the spinal cord and your ass are?

Song of the day: The Final Countdown