Kim---> Ah Lim and his language

Yo it’s Ah Lim back in the house again…hehe…my last issue of Ah Lim Coffee Talk stopped at how Ah Lim got his name, so if you want to know why Ah Lim is called Ah Lim and nothing else, read on…but first I shall talk about something else first…

Ok, Ah Lim used to serve the army also. Now, for people who have been serving in the army before, you will know that the army talks in a different language. There are no such things as Singlish then, only, Armylish and rest of the languages that the cheenas, yalams and mamas were talking…Armylish was regarded as crude and unacceptable in everyday conversation so it took Ah Lim quite some time to convert back to his cheena way of talking after he ORD-ed…so now Ah Lim has in this very issue compiled some of his converted language to help people out there who are still struggling to talk in a more refined manner…so to all guys who want to be more refined and to gals who want to be more crude, this is a must read…enjoy

What they say in the army: “Die cock standing”
Usage: “ Eh Ah Lim, don't scratch the dean’s car leh…if kanna find out will die cock standing one loh!!” ( don't be surprised, Ah Lim is not stupid and used to be a uni graduate, just that the stupid dean failed one of his projects which he spend 3 nights doing.)
Converted to become: “ Eh Ah Lim, don't scratch the dean’s car leh…if kanna find out you will die when your statue of liberty is standing tall loh”

What they say in the army: “ What the fuck”
Usage: “ Eh Ah Lim, why you standing behind me when I am bathing… you gay ah.. what the fuck man or should it be what the fuck gay…”
Converted to become: “Eh Ah Lim, why you standing behind me when I am bathing… you gay ah.. what the (any word starting with letter f). So it becomes what the fish, what the freak, what the fark, what the fart, anything starting with letter f will do…

What they say in the army: “ Eh Ah Lim, Chio bu spotted. 100m, inside the shop, 3 o’clock(indicates bearing not time, stupid), tube with mini skirt. 33,28,34. go, go, go.”
Usage: erm..Think it’s a bit obvious rite…no need to explain hor…
Converted to become: “Eh Ah Lim, pretty lady doing some shopping at the Chanel shop over there. She’s dressed to kill in a towel wrapped around her chest and a skirt missing a few inches of cloth. Figure is, by using your hand, outline the figure in front of you.”

What they say in the army: “ Chao Keng”
Usage: “ Eh Ah Lim, you sure that your girlfriend having sex with another guy is causing you emotional instability and not able to attend training… trying to chao keng rite?” (about the dream part, Ah Lim girlfriend did have sex with another guy and Ah Lim was so sad that he almost turned gay)
Converted to become: “ Eh Ah Lim, you sure that your girlfriend having sex with another guy is causing you emotional instability and not able to attend training… dun pretend lah”

Ok…that's about all I can think now…ending off to catch the anime Inuyasha on arts central…oh anyone got vcd can approach ah lim, cos he wanna catch the whole thing rather than see 3 episodes every week only…haha..ok so to end off, Ah Lim shall tell you how he got his name…One day, Ah Lim was out drinking with his business associates when one of them,

Ah Kim: “ Eh Ah Ong ( Ah Lim previous name), lai ar, lim leh, mai ar ni kuan leh” (for the non-hokkien trained, translation is: come ah, drink leh, dun be like that leh)

80% Ah Ong 20% Ah Lim: “ okok…but u driving me home later, so relax a bit”

The next day,

Ah Kim: “ Eh you over there, Ah Lim rite, come over here for a while”

50% Ah Ong 50% Ah Lim: “huh?!?! Me? I not called Ah Lim leh”

Ah Kim: “ no meh…then how come yesterday nite, I keep on calling, lai ar lim, mai ar ni kuan leh (translation: come ah lim, dun be like that). You sure not ah lim ah, I got a million dollar contract for Ah Lim to sign leh”

0% Ah Ong 100% Ah Lim: “ oh ah lim ah…yah yah that's me…haven recover from yesterday nite drinking…sorry…where is the contract?”

And so the world got itself another Ah Lim.

Question of the day: If Confucius was still alive today, what would the world become?

Song of the day: Shan Xing 1999 by Wang Jie